Waiting to Expel

So here I sit, waiting to expel...a baby! I thought I'd share a little of what I'm going through in this blog, primarily because it's the only thing that has consumed the past 3 weeks (not to mention the previous 9 months) of my life. Two years ago, I gave birth via c-section to a beautiful baby girl. However, the birth experience was not what I had dreamed. There was no labor, at least, not that I could feel. I hated the recovery and the feelings/thoughts that came with it. Then we planned and got pregnant again. I resigned myself to another c-section because that is the only choice I have in our area. In the entire state of Nebraska, only 3 cities are known for promoting attempts at a natural birth after c-section. Research is showing that natural birth is preferable to surgery, under the right circumstances. Unfortunately, many liability companies will not allow hospitals or doctors to make these attempts. Anyhow, towards the second half of my pregnancy, my doctor mentioned she had recently sent a mother to Omaha for a successful vaginal birth after cesarean (VBAC) - and that she was willing to make the referral for me. I never understood the word "obsession" until I had to make that decision. For several weeks, the only thing I could think about was whether or not to attempt a VBAC. Finally, I told my doc to make the referral. There are no guarantees to anything in life. I have been living near Omaha for almost 3 weeks now, missing out on work and my home back in Broken Bow. I miss my friends and family, although I brought my 2-year-old with me and my husband has been very supportive, visiting and staying when he can. Even my in-law's have taken their turn at "babysitting" this pregnant lady. Currently, I am several days overdue. There is still a chance for my dream birth, and I continue to hope, despite all the disappointments. However, part of me just desires to hold my second child and to go home to family and friends. The time here reminds me of something I have to constantly remind myself and many of my clients...there are some things in life we can control and there are some things over which we have no control. The hard part is accepting the responsibility for our decisions in what we control and letting go of the parts we can't control. Thanks for listening to my story. I will definitely let you know how it all works out...control or no!